Friday, September 30, 2005

Leadership, really!



My sister sent this to me and I had to look twice to figure out the punch line. However, after looking at it for a bit the point is obvious. The Dimmicrats in Louisiana left their busses parked (and flooded) while the Texas Republican guvmint had theirs filled for the evacuation of Galveston.

Does it make you wonder? Nah, it's obvious that we learned from their mistakes. Sad, I know, but reality is what it is. Although Bill Clinton's famous quote comes to mind, "It all depends on what the definition of 'is' is."

She is sooooo good at finding stuff!



Stomps With Foot just read my entry for today where I mentioned the mystery diner in San Francisco. She found the diner, Max's and a copy of Max's Laws (sm) and so I want to share them with you. If you are ever in The City, go there, you will not be disappointed. Max's Laws (sm) are seen on the back of their menu. Click the logo above to be redirected to their website.

Max's Laws (sm)

1. This restaurant is run for the enjoyment and pleasure of our customers, not the convenience of the staff or the owners.

2. You get a free round of drinks if anyone on our staff comes up and says, "Is everything all right?" When we ask questions, they'll be good ones.

3. You must get your mustard and ketchup before your burger, sandwich or fries.

4. We hate soggy fries. If yours aren't crisp, the way you like them-send them back-maybe the kitchen will get the message.

5. Corned beef and pastrami are good because they contain some fat; however, with today's dietary consciousness, our corned beef and pastrami are now extra lean. So ask for a little fat for that traditional taste. If you want something with no fat, how about our turkey or turkey pastrami.

6. The turkey is always fresh. Period.

7. Our iced tea is table brewed. Just pour it over a big glass of ice.

8. You'll love our breads and pastries. They're made fresh daily in Max's Bakery and Kitchen.

9. Warning: We bake our own sourdough crusty as can be. If you like soft bread, eat the middle.

10. Our ice cream sauces are a point of pride. They're made in New York by a certified chocoholic who refuses therapy. They are simply the best in the country. And we don't boast idly.

11. We bring ice cream sauces from New York City and mustards from Oregon. Eat here. Save the airfare.

12. This is a bad place for a diet and a good place for a diet.

13. Our desserts are excessive because nothing succeeds like excess. We encourage sharing if you're not super hungry.

14. Substitutions are okay by us; don't be bashful, you've got a mouth, use it.

15. We use cholesterol-free oil for frying and sauteing; anything can be grilled fat-free!

16. If you are a single diner and are greeted with the expression, "Just one?" dinner is on us.

17. We agree that the customer is always right. If there is a problem with your food or service, call for the manager-we'll fix it in a flash. But, if you finish your plate-it couldn't have been all that bad! Now, could it?

18. If, upon presentation of your check, your server says, "Do you want change?" Forget about the tip!

Now I can't wait to get there! My mouth is watering and my piehole has turned into a face-engulfing smile.

Don't panic, they're organic!

Timmy sent me this photo of dahlias. Wow, just wow! His comment was, "Pull out the black light, burn a fattie." Daym, son, you don't even need a black light to view these beauties. He has commented that The City is full of flowers, year-round.

©2005, Sanfransicko, All Rights Reserved. Published with permission.

He once recited a quote, attributed to Mark Twain, who said, "The coldest winter I ever saw was the summer I spent in San Francisco."

Stomps With Foot and I visited The City many, many yeArrrs ago, visiting Haight-Ashbury, Lombard Street, Alcatraz (where we liberated some kind of succulent plant and whisked it off to Texas to see if it would grow) Sears Pancakes, and this old Zephyr diner downtown somewhere (help me here Timmy) where I was dumbstruck when I read on the menu that, "If our waitstaff asks you if everything is OK, your meal is free, because they should know if everything is OK." I wish I had snagged one of those menus because every time a waiter/waitress comes by our table and asks that question, I think of that tag line.

Wish I could remember the name of the place and I hope it is still there. We need a dose of The City, for a week or long weekend, chilling out in a B&B with Timmy and the lovely and talented "Wife Is Home," as our guides. Guess we will wait until next summer, when it's over 100-degrees in Dallas. Ah, winter in the summer. Oh, did I mention that it was 102-degrees here Wednesday, September 28th, 2005. Sheesh.

I need to win the lottery, but it runs on gasoline!

You may have read about my rants and raves regarding the fact that we still don't have flying cars. After all, the Jetson's had one, as did everyone in their neighborhood.



Well, now they are available. Like this beauty, only $3.5 million, featured in the new Neiman-Marcus Christmas Catalogue. Click on her and go see what the Moller Skycar is all about.

I have got to get me one of these!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Oh, those Aggies!

Daughter, Codename: Sweetie One, an Aggie, sent me this and it is … priceless.

If Pirates Ruled!

Llama Herding 101 has a link to some great Pirate-inspired Photoshop work.

Give him a visit.

Yar!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

The horror of Hurricane Rita

With all the news lately about Hurricane Katrina, we shouldn't forget that Houston has had it's share of devastating weather also.

The attached photo illustrates the damage caused to a home when Hurricane Rita passed through the Houston area a couple of days ago. It really makes you cherish what you have, and reminds us not to take life for granted.

Warning: The attached picture is quite graphic and may not be suitable for younger viewers.



The Horror, The Horror.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Fairy tales of security



This photo pretty much sums up how I feel this week in the aftermath of Hurricane Rita, and felt last week, and the week before that, and the week before that when Hurricane Katerina slammed the Gulf Coast and it became clear that what I had once believed, was nothing but a fairy tale.

Like Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny, Homeland InSecurity just wasn't and isn't one of those things that are real. The money our govmint has thrown away at it was and is real. It's my money, it's your money and which rabbit hole it disappeared into is the question of the year.

I am all about accountability. Our guvmint's spin on their failure to act promptly and decisively during these critical times has set my head spinning. Yes, it is unprecedented, and if they think I buy that as a reason for failing the citizens of this nation they are wrong. Dead wrong. I feel like Linda Blair with my head rotating 360-degrees. It's time to exorcise the beast.

Letters have and will be written to my representatives. I suggest you do the same.

Hold the "slamming," and demand accountability. We need to learn from these hard lessons of man versus Mother Nature.

El Capitan was right, it was, all-in-all a successful evacuation of 2.7 million people from the Houston/Gulf Coast area ahead of Hurricane Rita. We need to learn from it and Governor Perry is working to do just that.

God Save The Republic.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Bathroom humor

With so much tension, stress, and sadness in the world over the past few weeks, we all need a good, rejuvenating belly laugh. When my brother and his family were in town escaping the wrath non-event of Hurricane Rita and having survived the 47-hour drive from Seabrook, I was in a silly mood and this came to me from out of nowhere!

Thought I would share it with everyone.

Ways to Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stallmate

THIS REQUIRES PRIOR PLANNING:
1. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds, like you are going to blow out an "O-ring" and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from about 3-feet up, and sigh loudly after it hits the water. Then spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under your neighboring stallmates wall. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor's eyeballs and say, "Whoops. Could you kick that back over here, please? Before leaving say, "Damn, I knew the drain hole was a little too small, Now what am I gonna do?"

2. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

THIS REQUIRES PRIOR PLANNING:
3. Fill up a squirt bottle with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

4. Say, "Interesting, more sinkers than floaters."

Get it done

Brother Gogo and his family finally made it to Dallas from south of Houston (Seabrook) after spending 47 hours on the road, the lovely and talented Stomps With Foot fired off a letter to Senator Cornyn. She is dead on! She has an even better idea, that she did not spell out for the good Senator from Texas, but I will share it with you after your read her missive:


Stomps With Foot



September 25, 2005
Dear Senator Cornyn,

Good grief, I've looked all over the TxDot and Dept. of Transportation websites and did not see any plans to either widen I-35 or I-45 from Dallas to Austin/San Antonio or Houston. Weren't these 2-lane (occasionally 3-lane) highways built in the 1950's? It's amazing that our highways have not kept up with the number of cars on them.

I didn't see any plans for any additional new North-South highways to be built either. Does the current evacuation from Hurricane Rita wake up anybody in the state or federal government that we are in dire need ot more highways? Traffic from Dallas to Austin or Houston has been bumper to bumper for about 8 - 10 years now.

The federal government should be helping more with funding to expand or add Texas highways. Where are our representatives who are supposed to be looking our for us. Congress found plenty of money to send to Alaska for some pretty lame, unnecessary and frivilous projects (my opinion) and to study the brown snake in Guam.

Somebody help us - we NEED this - it's a necessity now. Make a trade - we'll continue to send oil from Texas refineries in exchange for more highways - after all, it's the rest of America we're got to get the oil delivered to.

I've been reading about all the items that Congressmen add onto important bills (Alaska has got to be the worst) and it is so frustrating. The pork belly/pork barrel items have got to stop. I am serious when I entertain the idea of outlawing lobbyists and pac funds! How did this even come to be - I can't imagine our forefathers envisioned this being allowed.

I would like to suggest a very radical idea - that a bill being introduced and voted on can only contain one item - no add-ons allowed. Each subject needing monetary appropriations has to be a separate bill. Can a bill be introduced to make that a law? I'm no great scholar, but I can hope America's founders intended that the peoples' representatives be accountable for what they spend from taxpayers' dollars. I pay more and more in taxes and I don't feel like I have a say in where it goes.

I have noted that you, sir, are able to bump people from their forward seats on Southwest Airlines (my husband and myself) and have restaurants open their doors early for you in Dallas. The people of Texas aren't asking for special treatment like that - just necessities, like more highways. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Stomps With Foot


When brother and his family headed back to Seabrook Saturday morning - we tried to find out about the road conditions and the availability of gasoline on the way. NO ONE HAD A CLUE. Not the Texas Department of Transportation, the Texas Highway Patrol, no one. So why don't we have a statewide radio station that gives traffic reports, emergency response information, gasoline locations, the list would be considerably long and be broadcast statewide. Maybe they section off this Great Republic and have a different frequency for each section. NOAA Weather Radio does that. Why can't the state.

People headed back to Houston on Saturday, during the storm which passed east of I-45. Waaaaay before Gollum, the evil mayor of Houston, said to for residents to come back in sections. Right. Everyone will listen to him, kind of like they really listened to Governor Perry when he re-inforced the suggestion. Why weren't people advised of this during the evacuation - do it in stages? I will tell you, we have no real leadership on the Federal, State, or Local levels.

El Capitan suggests that Monday morning quarterbacks should STFU. My take on this is that our guvmint should know what is entailed in an emergency evacuation and I disagree. We should have had some "practice" before the big game, Cap. Sure it's a huge undertaking, but just how are the billions of dollars for Homeland Security (insert guffaw here) being spent? Not on gasoline tanker trucks, or bus inspectors, that's for sure, and definitely not on expanding our highways to handle an "unprecedented" evacuation. The guvmint did a fine job. Just ask the folks who ran out of gas, had their cars towed and impounded and will now have to pay mucho dinero to redeem them. Just ask the people - this is supposed to be a government "For, of and by the people," isn't it?

Spin it Gollum, Spin it Perry, Spin it Dubyah. We can see right through your inadequate attempts to hold back the flood of criticism. Penn is speaking directly to those bureaucrats who are patting themselves on the back for such a fine job they did(n't do). Here he is now, with his message:

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Mayor Gollum, the Evil One

Houston's Mayor White, pictured below, is really rather "Smeagol-like," don't you think. Seems he and the Nazgul have captured El Capitan and made him stay in Houston Mordor under the penumbra of "essential personnel."


Good luck, my friend, ye'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hello McFly!



Seems George McFly Governor Perry needs a jolt of 1.21 Jigawatts to get his head out of his ass. Or else we need to get Biff to knock some sense into him.

Brother Gogo and his family left Seabrook at 15:15 hours yesterday, and at 02:15 hours this morning, had made it to Cleveland, Texas. That's 68 miles in 11 hours. Not very far and not very fast. Here, take a look at this map.



Notice he is east of Conroe, Texas. Contrast that distance to his normal travel route. Find Conroe on this map and you will see how far they got last night.



By the looks of things, Hurricane Rita will make landfall before he gets to Dallas, only 281 miles away and normally a 4.5 hour drive.

Cell phones are not working - Slammed. Landlines are spotty at best - Slammed.

He finally contacted us by phone at 22:00, after trying repeatedly to get a call through via cell phone for 45-minutes straight. Stomps With Foot was able to book him into a no-tell motel for the night by doing some internet magic. He told us this morning that he was offered $1,000 for the room by someone who had more money than sense. So they should be able to complete the drive to Dallas sometime today.

I say, "sometime today," because there is no telling how long it will take him to make the normal 4.5 hour drive of 281 miles. He was able to advance 20 miles in 2 hours at the beginning of his exodus from Seabrook, inland. It got worse after that.

Then I hear on the radio this morning that our moronic governor has asked all Texans to avoid using the phone unless it is an EMERGENCY!

WTF? This IS AN EMERGENCY you moronic fucktard. Get a clue Governor Clueless, this mass exodus of millions of Texans from the Gulf Coast IS AN EMERGENCY.

Wait, you mean you don't really have a plan for an emergency? Oh, you have a plan, but it doesn't work?

We can't even handle the telephone traffic. Doesn't it make sense that people will need to communicate in an EMERGENCY?. Don't we have some kind of plan other than asking people to limit their phone calls? Oh, I see; we don't.

It's time to take back Texas, my fellow Texans. Take her back from the brain-dead politicians. Think about NOT voting in the Texas primaries, and vote for Kinky.

This is insane, and yet this is what we have gotten ourselves into by allowing the status quo to prevail in times when smart people need to be doing smart things; like 4 years ago they should've been doing some, oh, I don't know - PLANNING?

Hello McFly! Anyone in there?

The first Kinkytoon!

Go see this, it'll make every Texan proud. Yup.



Send this link to everyone you know. We be pirates; pirates with a cause.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Heave!



Let's all hear it for our guvmint's Emergency Response Program or ERP. It's pronounced, "Earp."

Pass the chum bucket, matey, afore Hurricane Rita arrives. Dubyah is taking Governor Perry's request to declare Texas a disaster area, "under advisement." Excuse me, "under advisement?" How about ye get off'n yer ass, Dubyah and get something into play here.

And the times they are a changin'



The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

WAIT! DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?

Cowabunga!

Running out of names! It's hard to reason with the hurricane season.

So all ya'll down in Dickinson, Seabrook, and the Bayou City of Houston, come up to Dallas, or I can put you up in Brew Naunfels.

Stomps With Foot and I are now "evacuation central" for all my family on the South Coast of Texas. My 80-year-old hardheaded mother is planning to ride Rita out, as well as my sisters and their families. However, my dear sister and her husband, Codenames: Rango and Big Red; who live about 30 miles from Galveston have a lot to do before they can get out of harm's way.

Brother, Codename: Gogo; and his family are headed for Dallas this afternoon, with all four cars and three dogs. Things should be busy around the main deck for a while.

I left a message on Baboon Pirates recorder this morning. Hope he makes it out with his armory!

Come on up and have a 'Rita on me.

Surf's up! Cowabunga!

Monday, September 19, 2005

Nuttin' but the best

Daym! Timmah is providing me with a floating rubber tub of blogfodder this week!

Thank ye verily, Timmah.

heinie.jpg

Timmah Nails It!

Once again, Timmah provides food for thought. Hmmmmm. I wonder how the Gulf War and the current Iraqi War "homeless" stack up against this one-in-five statistic.

vethomless.jpg

250 mics of David Crosby times two.

Me matey, Timothy Leary, also known as Sanfransicko shot and sent me these photos of some dahlias, titled, 250 mcg of David Crosby #1 and 250 mcg of David Crosby #2, respectively.


©2005, Sanfransicko, All Rights Reserved. Published with permission.


©2005, Sanfransicko, All Rights Reserved. Published with permission.

Intense, man, intense. And, if'n ye not be knowin' what a microgram is, move along, there's nothin' for ye here.

National Talk Like A Pirate Day!




Yar! This be National Talk Like A Pirate Day. Get off'n yer arses and get thee to a visit o' the official website me hearties!

They call it, "Lunacy."



Texas settlers dreaded the full moon of September — and with just cause. It was the Comanche Moon. Raiding parties rode hard at night, using the bright sky, mild weather and lush grass as they swept across Texas prairies during annual sorties into Mexico. The settlements went on high alert and civilian travel was held to a minimum. It was not a good time to be outdoors. Fast forward to yesterday, if you were a car, parked in front of my home, it was not a good day to be outdoors when the Comanches came to my house during an early morning raid.

They call it "lunacy" for a reason, and the Comanche Moon should've been a harbinger of the fate that would befall us. It was a Comanche Moon yesterday, and the lunatics were out. Sweetie One and Duffer, brought the grandchildren to visit for the weekend. My youngest son, codename: Tyrone, and his fiancée were having a couples shower on Sunday afternoon, which they drove up to attended.

The "lunacy" preceeded the party, however, and occurred about 10:15 a.m. when Stomps With Foot (who, by the way is not Comanche) was sitting in the backyard when she heard the crunch of metal and the squeal of tires - the unmistakable sounds of a car, driven by someone without a license or insurance, impacting one of our cars. She leapt up and ran to the back gate of the driveway to see three young Hispanic men stagger from their car directly in front of the house; where my eldest son's (codename: Jaeger) car, his truck, and Sweetie One's car were parked three-in-a-row, with eldest son's car in front. SWF came running into the house shouting, "Come out in the front, quickly!"

Upon viewing and assessing the situation, I see a local yard-man standing on the sidewalk. He is Hispanic too, but speaks English and said he had witnessed the crash. He offered to be our translator and, if we needed him, he would be happy to give a statement to the police. I asked him to ask them if they were okay and they said they were. But they were all sitting on the curb with their heads in their hands. Dazed but okay, their POS car totally trashed and leaking radiator fluid all over the street.

These three youngsters, they couldn't have been more than 18-years-old, smashed into Jaeger's car, folding it's right wheel in and pushing it up on the curb. He was asleep at the time and was in for a rude awakening!

After ensuring they weren't hurt (just dazed) we took photos of the damage, while one of the kids ran home (about a block away - to my dismay) to get his English-speaking cousin. Cousin Gilberto arrived to assure us that he would pay for all the damages, "No problemo!"

Duffer went inside to get them all some bottled water (that was very nice of him, I never even thought of doing that). SWF then phoned the police, who arrived to assess the situation, make out the incident report and finally, handcuff he driver. His cousin Gilberto (a much older man) asked the officer, "Why you do that, why you arrest heem?" To which the officer said, "No licensio, no insurancio, he's going to jailio!"

It was all I could do not to bust a gut laughing. It was pretty sad, after all. Young kid, no license, no insurance, probably in the country illegally, now on his way to the calaboose. But, after all, if I have to have insurance and a license, so should everyone else on the road.

Tell me again, cousin Gilberto, how you are going to come up with the 3-4 grand it will take to repair the car? Nevermind, Jaeger has insurance, and he is a licensed driver, so he will get to deal with that. Bummer for him and his bride, but they handled it well.

The Comanche Moon, I should've known.

Friday, September 16, 2005

It('s) used to be the real thing!



Mmmmmm, wish I had a hit of the "original" Coke every now and then. Sure, it cured headaches and relieved exhaustion, but that was so late 1800s.

Check it out here.

Guess I will settle for a Dr Pepper!

One-in-four

My daughter, codename: the Mothership Sweetie One, sent this to me this morning. I think she is onto something!

Ah means ta tole ya!

The new Louisiana State Amphibian - found in and around Lake Pontchatrain and the Mississippi River delta.



Ah means ta tole ya, deeze be some fine eatin', 'specially the three-eyed ones with three hind legs.

Thanks EPA!

The solution to pollution is dilution!



Did you ever pee in the pool when you were a kid? Well, multiply that "pollution" by a factor of one gazillion and you will have an idea of what our guv'mint is doing in N'awlins.



State and federal agencies have just begun water quality testing in N'awlins, but environmental experts say the vile, stagnant chemical soup that sits in the streets of the city will contain traces of everything imaginable.

"Go home and identify all the chemicals in your house. It's a very long list," said Ivor van Heerden, head of a Louisiana State University center that studies the public health impacts of hurricanes.

"And that's just in a home. Imagine what's in an industrial plant," he said. "Or a sewage plant."

Gasoline, diesel, anti-freeze, bleach, human waste, acids, alcohols and a host of other substances must be washed out of homes, factories, refineries, hospitals and other buildings.

In Metairie, east of New Orleans, the floodwater is tea-colored, murky and smells of burnt sulfur. Do Not Go In There!

Those who have waded into it say they could see only about 1 to 2 inches into the depths and that there was significant debris on and below the surface.

Experts said the longer water sat in the streets, the greater the chance gasoline and chemical tanks -- as well as common containers holding anything from bleach to shampoo -- would rupture.

And after the toxic water is gone, the folks will have toxic mud to contend with, that will ultimately dry up and leave behind toxic dirt that the good people of N'awlins will be able to inhale. Kids are even closer to the ground, so they will undoubtedly ingest some.

Dubyah has promised no one will have to contend with bureaucratic red-tape. Forget the EPA. Forget the poor black folks and the impact this will have on them. Forget the flora and fauna that will be directly impacted by this toxic mix of God-knows-what.

So, let's just pump it all into the Mississippi River and Lake Pontchartrain, after all, the solution to pollution is dilution.

Is it just me? Sheesh.

Middle-finger-fall-offus!


Upon closer examination …


Rhianna has a post today about biting her nails. When you visit her blog you will see the photos she has posted and read her plea.

Upon closer examination, however, I see the root of the problem. It's the first sign of middle-finger-fall-offus, that dreaded disease caused by a chemical reaction between the skin on the middle finger and a ring. It appears that the area just above or beneath the ring, extending about 1/2-inch above the knuckle is cyanotic - a bluish discoloration of the skin, resulting from poor circulation or inadequate oxygenation if the blood. This is not good.

The cyanosis, I fear, is the result of not shooting-the-finger enough. You see, many people think their skin beneath their rings turns cyan because of the alloy in the ring - sometimes there is too much nickel. Some will insist that it is because there is too much acid in the skin causing the reaction - usually attributed to drinking/eating too much citrus. Not so.

I fear that if she doesn't commence flipping-off people soon, she will lose that finger – the middle finger - whoa! Then, she wouldn't be able to flip anyone off with that hand. She can delay the inevitable by flipping-off anyone and everyone she sees for the next ten days; especially the guys with hairy legs and the shirtless-runners on the base. That should at least make her feel better, and while she is at it she won't be able to see that middle finger's nail. Thus, saving her finger and allowing her to grow her nails out to a more attractive length.

There is an alternative cure, however. It involves leaving a comment, about how wonderful Texas is, on her blog. You see, she is an expatriot and is missing Texas so much she is subconsciously biting her nails down to the quick. So, my dear fellow Texans, get thee to her site and leave her a memorable Texas comment.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Pirate humor day

OK, chillens, it be time fer some pirate humor. Democrat? Republican? It matters not!


Q: What's George Bush's position on Roe v. Wade?

A: He really doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Jes lahk mah mammy always tole me …


This undated handout photo released by the Louisiana Attorney General's Office in Baton Rouge, La., Tuesday, Sept. 13, 2005, of Mable B. Mangano, left, and Salvador A. Mangano, Sr., who have been charged with 34 counts of negligent homicide in the deaths of 34 people found at St. Rita's Nursing Home in Violet, La., last week. The charges stem from the Mangano's alleged failure to evacuate the nursing home contrary to the facility's own evacuation plan and in violation of the St. Bernard Parish's mandatory evacuation following Hurricane Katrina. (AP Photo/Louisiana Attorney General's Office, HO) (AP)

----------------------------------

The Manganos' attorney, Jim Cobb, said his Tuesday night that his clients are innocent, and he blamed St. Bernard Parish officials for not ensuring an evacuation plan was proceeding.


Jes lahk mah mammy always tole me, "It's always someone else's fault!"

These two people were released on $50,000 bond. Let's do the math, shall we? $50,000 divided by 34 deaths = $1,470.59 each. Must be the Napoleonic law that prevails ovah der in Loozy-anna. Makes perfect sense to me.

I was going to seque into a Soylent Petroleum story but decided not to do that one.

We're all going to be rich!

OMG, we can have a cheap alternative to fuel. We need to use dead cats as alternative fuels.

We could start by scraping up all the Texas the roadkill, and my favorite ingredient for Roadkill Chili, the armadillo. We have miles and miles of roads, Interstates, farm-to-market, county, residential and city streets in Texas No sireee, don't see any need for anything other than good old Texas roadkill.

A skunk could be a multiplier in this secret biodiesel recipe!

Here is a photo I took a year or so ago that could be the start of a new ad campaign!

Yep, my Ford Exploder is parked on the road and the fresh biodiesel dude is already posed! Whodathunkit?


Bring us your wreched refuse of the road …

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German inventor has angered animal rights activists with his answer to fighting the soaring cost of fuel -- dead cats.

Christian Koch, 55, from the eastern county of Saxony, told Bild newspaper that his organic diesel fuel -- a home-made blend of garbage, run-over cats, and other ingredients -- is a proven alternative to normal consumer diesel.

"I drive my normal diesel-powered car with this mixture," Koch said. "I have gone 170,000 km (106,000 miles) without a problem."

The Web site of Koch's firm, "Alphakat GmbH," says his patented "KDV 500" machine can produce what he calls the "bio-diesel" fuel at about 23 euro cents (30 cents) a litre, which is about one-fifth the price at petrol stations now.

Koch said around 20 dead cats added into the mix could help produce enough fuel to fill up a 50-litre (11 gallon) tank.

But the president of the German Society for the Protection of Animals, Wolfgang Apel, said using dead cats for fuel was illegal.

"There's no danger for cats and dogs in Germany because this practice is outlawed in Germany," Apel told Bild on Wednesday in a story entitled "Can you really make fuel out of cats?"


Right! We really believe that the Germans have already passed legislation outlawing this practice … uh, yeah. They think of everything. But I just checked the law in Texas and anything is fair game!

Soylent petroleum! Ya think we should head on down for some N'awlins nursing homes?

That, my dear children, is a story for another blog.

Fairy garden visit

Writing about Stomps With Foot's fairy garden yesterday, and including the shot of the blooming purple sage bush that anchors one end, reminded me to post some more of her plantage.


Lantana. I got this one right!


Some kind of yellow flowery thingy
Update: Stomps With Foot says, "It's coreopsis."


Some kind of white succulent flowery thingy
Update: Stomps With Foot says, "It's the orange blossom tree."


Some kind of purplish flower dealies
Update: Stomps With Foot says, "It's balloon flowers."

Now, this is a photo of the lowly jimson weed.

It's hallucinogenic. Careful, careful.

Come to find out, is a hallucinogenic! Damn, those daze are gone for me but I may try to make a nice tea sometime!

If I hurl, I will let you know. On second thought, after reading this I decided against it!

Overview: Jimson weed is a common name for a plant known botanically as Datura stramonium, which has been used as a medicine and intoxicant for centuries. The plant's main ingredients are the belladonna alkaloids atropine and scopolamine. Since Jimson weed is native to much of the U.S. (from New England to Texas), it's most often used by young people in those areas unfamiliar with its reputation and unprepared for its side effects.

Street Names: Thornapple, stinkweed, locoweed

Appearance: Jimson weed can reach a height of 5 feet, bearing white flowers and prickly seed pods that split open when ripe, usually in fall.

Effects: The phrase "Red as a beet, dry as a bone, blind as a bat, mad as a hatter" has been used to describe Jimson's effects, and it does a good job of summing them up. All parts of the plant are toxic, so pleasant effects are limited-a big reason the plant is used only by novices. Atropine and scopolamine block the neurotransmitter acetylcholine, causing dry mouth, dilated pupils, high temperature (but reduced sweating), and blurred vision. Psychological effects include confusion, euphoria, and delirium.

Side Effects/Risks: Potential for accidental poisoning increases with higher doses. Symptoms include incoherent speech, impaired coordination; rapid heart beat; and dry, flushed or hot skin. In extreme cases, users can experience seizures, intense visual or auditory hallucinations, or cardiac arrest. A Jimson weed overdose should be considered potentially serious and medical intervention sought.

Addiction Potential: Since Jimson weed's effects aren't generally considered pleasurable, addiction usually isn't a factor.

Medical Uses: Because of its anticholinergic properties and antispasmodic effects, Jimson weed was used in traditional medicine to treat a variety of illnesses. Today, extracts are still used in treating asthma, intestinal cramps, and both diarrhea and bed-wetting.

Duration: Depends on dose, with most effects beginning within two hours of use and some lingering up to 24-48 hours.

Legal Status: Jimson weed is not a controlled substance.

Trends: Most Jimson weed use tends to be of the one-time-only thrill-seeking or curiosity variety, typically involving younger teens. Few statistics are available on use but, in 1998, 152 cases of Jimson weed poisoning were reported nationally, according to the American Association of Poison Control Centers.


Georgia O'Keefe did some fine paintings of the lowly jimson weed.


Whoa, she must've been trippin' when she painted it.

Daaaa-Yum! A Texan Abroad

I visited me quartermaster's blog this morning, Kurt at A Trainwreck in Maxwell. He has added some new (to me) blogs to his blogroll and I was struck by the intensity of one - A Texan Abroad. After duly checking out her postings and her profile, I must say, she is a Texan, head-to-toe; an expatriate living in Italy and the spouse of a member of our armed forces. God bless their family, and their family's families.

I know how hard 'tis ta be a military spouse. Stomps With Foot knows even better than I, and with three young-uns under their arms, I know they will be happy to return to the Great Republic of Texas. I encourage you to visit her site, she is wise beyond her yeArrrs!

She now has a place of honor on my blogroll. Visit her often, she offers an insight not often found in someone of her tender young age.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Fairy garden wind chimes

This morning, and I do mean morning - it was 0500 hours and I was in the midst of my daily routine, when I heard my wind chimes. The end of summer is approaching, the mornings are cooler and we are finally getting some air movement. Stomps With Foot bought the chimes for me probably five or six years ago and they never fail to make me smile.

I placed them off the back porch in her fairy garden area, which is filled with wildflowers and blooming plants of all sorts, including moon flowers, the lonely jimson weed (which has beautiful flowers), morning glory's, and a beautiful purple sage.



This is a partial photo of the purple sage, which bloomed like crazy once we had some rain a few weeks ago. The wind chimes are in the upper left of the photo.

Smiling at the sound of wind chimes, first thing in the morning, is the best way to start one's day.

Monday, September 12, 2005

This just in …



Foamy the Squirrel reporting…

Occasionally, Tim Leary, codename: Timmy, will drop me a jewel or two that must be shared as he has done once again with this gem. To quote Timmy, "This little squirrel says it all." Amen.

Papa Smurf Potty



Papa Smurf can I lick yer …

Ah, the paperless toilet. Seems like we will be waiting for this one to arrive on the plumbing aisles of your favorite home improvement store. The flying car has got to have some priority here.

Striped bass on Canal Street?



Timmah sent this uncredited photo to me and it appears that George Dubyah was doing some serious fishin' around the hidden structures beneath his boat.

Write your best caption and send it in! The winner will get a fabulous prize - a trip to N'awlins on a stench seeking trip.

Yar!

Friday, September 09, 2005

Mother and child(ren) reunion …

With a Tip-O-The-Hat to Stomps With Foot, I bring you this happy message.







Lorne and Valerie Bennett were forced to leave their four pets behind when Katrina chased them from their Slidell, La., home to an Atlanta hospital. A local doctor had promised to stay behind and care for the pets.

"We never thought we'd see them again," Lorne said. And miraculously from their Atlanta hospital room, they did. The doctor had kept his word, spiriting their four animals to a shelter, where they appeared on TV.

Then a Texas couple, hearing of the Bennett's plight, drove 1,200 miles to pick up the pets.

"It got put in our laps and we were destined to do it," said Jeff Caldwell, who helped with the reunion.

And then this miracle story ended in a happy sea of tears, as the Bennett's were reunited with their English springer spaniel, Oreo, their dachshund, Lady, their cat, P. Kitty, and their guinea pig, Piggy Wiggy.

Getting money for this!

Daughter, Sweetie One, sent me a link for a company that is doing this for money, like $19.99 a pop. Sheesh, I did these two pics in about 30 minutes yesterday.


Lil Sweetie One with her iPod nano!


Duffer and Dunky!

Now why didn't I think of doing this for money? Well, it's totally for fun. If you have a photo that you would like to have iPodded, send me your image, at least 640 x 480 at 150 dpi, but bigger is better, and I will send you yours at no charge! I will send you the final at 72 dpi, unless you can handle a larger file in yer in-box.

What fun.

If you are a Photoshop pro, I will be happy to send you a tutorial to help you get started.

We be Pirates!

Team Kinky to the Rescue





We're throwing one gigantic party to raise money for some friends of ours who really need help - the animals of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast. On September 16th and 17th, we will be having house parties across the state, fifty of them, to be precise. They will be occurring from 5-7PM and 7-9PM on both days (yes, there are two opportunities, each day), and though they will all be a celebration of independence and our candidate Kinky Friedman, they'll also be one great hoot for our animal friends. 

The campaign will donate 25% of the proceeds to to The Utopia Louisiana Rescue Fund at Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch. We're going to challenge each party to come up with $500 for this fund, so Utopia can care for our little friends from the east. We think you can do it. Click here to learn more about attending a House Party.

At each site, partiers will get to talk with Kinky on a phone link, campaign team members will help arrange the event, and everyone across Texas will have a chance to support our friends in their time of catastrophic need. Is there a better way to spend an early autumn weekend than to have a little barbecue and bring relief to our cute and cuddly pals and the wonderful folks at Utopia? No way!

If you'd like to host one of these parties, whether a barbecue or a tea and dog biscuits social, or you'd like to know where the nearest bash is going to be, get back to us at: emily.knight@kinkyfriedman.com, and we'll give you the scoop. C'mon y'all - let's help save the animals we can. We love our cats and doggies.

We'll even make it interesting. The hosts of the party that collects the most money will receive a trove of Kinky memorabilia!

Join us please for Animal House Parties Across Texas. September 16th and 17th. C'mon y'all, let's pony up and ride to the rescue!

Cleve Hattersley,
Team Kinky