Friday, September 16, 2005

Middle-finger-fall-offus!


Upon closer examination …


Rhianna has a post today about biting her nails. When you visit her blog you will see the photos she has posted and read her plea.

Upon closer examination, however, I see the root of the problem. It's the first sign of middle-finger-fall-offus, that dreaded disease caused by a chemical reaction between the skin on the middle finger and a ring. It appears that the area just above or beneath the ring, extending about 1/2-inch above the knuckle is cyanotic - a bluish discoloration of the skin, resulting from poor circulation or inadequate oxygenation if the blood. This is not good.

The cyanosis, I fear, is the result of not shooting-the-finger enough. You see, many people think their skin beneath their rings turns cyan because of the alloy in the ring - sometimes there is too much nickel. Some will insist that it is because there is too much acid in the skin causing the reaction - usually attributed to drinking/eating too much citrus. Not so.

I fear that if she doesn't commence flipping-off people soon, she will lose that finger – the middle finger - whoa! Then, she wouldn't be able to flip anyone off with that hand. She can delay the inevitable by flipping-off anyone and everyone she sees for the next ten days; especially the guys with hairy legs and the shirtless-runners on the base. That should at least make her feel better, and while she is at it she won't be able to see that middle finger's nail. Thus, saving her finger and allowing her to grow her nails out to a more attractive length.

There is an alternative cure, however. It involves leaving a comment, about how wonderful Texas is, on her blog. You see, she is an expatriot and is missing Texas so much she is subconsciously biting her nails down to the quick. So, my dear fellow Texans, get thee to her site and leave her a memorable Texas comment.