Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Blog Free or Die!

I received this email this morning from The Online Coalition. I encourage everyone to heed this important message, and take action.

Time is running out at the Federal Election Commission. The period for public comment on the proposed rulemaking regarding the Internet closes June 3, 2005.

As a blogger, or blog reader - you have valuable input from your firsthand experience that the FEC desperately needs. You don't have to be a lawyer, and you've got a duty to weigh in. Please take a moment and read over and endorse the 11 Principles for Online Freedom we've written up with the Center for Democracy & Technology and the Institute for Politics, Technology, and The Internet: here.

If you'd like to file your own comment, here are two places where you can find help and instructions:

Once you do submit a comment, please consider sending us a copy. Knowing what bloggers are telling the FEC will help throughout this process.
Mike Krempasky
Michael Bassik

'Nuff said.

Round and round and round it goes …

My daughter: codename - Sweetie One (also known as, "The Mothership," is due to open the pod-bay doors any time now. I think she has a C-section scheduled for May 31st. Wow. Grandchild number two. Think about that for a second. Where are you in your life? 20-something, 30-something, 40-something? Wherever you are, you will be here, God willing. This is such a miracle, and it is impacting me as much as or more than the births of my own dear progeny. So once the new life comes into the world - as screwed up as it may be - there will be rejoicing on the forecastle and amidships and the fantail. I will raise the signal flags high in the harbor once the event occurs.

Children - wow. How many of you remember seeing Christmas through their eyes, or the 4th of July? I can remember, and reflect often on the joys and pains of parenting. Little miss granddaughter - codename: Dunky, will be a sight to see when she becomes a "big sister." Wow. I am truly blessed, and I give thanks every day for the joys and pains of parenthood.

Andy and Laura have just joined the club with the birth of Anwen just you wait guys, in 20 years or so when you are blessed with grandchildren! I share your elation and frustration even as I write this missive.

Being a father is not easy. Being a parent is not easy. Giving your love to your children is easy.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

It's just a billion …

Sometimes, it's diffucult for me to get my head around certain numbers, like infinity, for example. On a less taxing note, try it with the word billion. The next time you hear a politician use the word billion, think about whether you want that politician spending your tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases. 
A billion seconds ago it was 1973.
A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
A billion days ago no one walked on two feet on earth.
A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government spends it.

Tip O' The Hat to PeeVee

Texas Hill Country Blogfest announcement

Click the picture to be redirected to the official website!

The signal flags are flying! Thanks to LCBeth for her able assistance.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

No Whar But Texas - Part Deux!

From the Texas Hill County, where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story joke.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Bandera, Texas. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car, into which he fell. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night) flicked the blinkers on, then off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patron vehicles left.

At last, the parking lot was empty, he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and carried out a Breathalyzer test. To his amazement the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Texan, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

Jus' Slap 'Em down!

TODAY is … Slap Your Co-Worker Day! 

This is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Day. Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't give a damn about? Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty, you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch? Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it? Well, on behalf of Ike Turner, I am so very very glad to officially announce today as SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY!

These are the rules you must follow:

• You can only slap one person per hour - no more.

• You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.

• You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant.

• No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.

• CURSING IS MANDATORY! After you have slapped the recipient, your "assault" must be followed with something like "cuz I'm sick of your stupid-a$$ always messing up stuff!"

• If questioned by a supervisor (or police, if the supervisor is the irritant), you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE! Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping … and have a great day!

Tip O' The Hat to: Mothership! My partner in Art Department Crime, Codename: Desdemona is neither included nor allowed to participate.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Inaugural Texas Hill Country Tunes, Toobs and Targets Blogfest

There is a move afoot. It all started when El Capitan and Dash Riprock sat down at James Coney Island a couple of weeks ago, to wolf down some of the finest chili dogs in the world. I can vouch for them as well, because more than 40 years ago (sheesh where does time go?) I, too, was up to my neck in that epicurean delight – foot-long dogs and chili with "awn-eee-yawns." Man, I can almost taste them now; but I digress. The highlight of the weekend was being able to hook-up with Dash Riprock, sit in the rocker's on my front porch down in God's backyard – Brew Naunfels, share some Shiner Bock and slam more than one can of Guinness while we ate pizza and solved the problems of the world.

My "third" son, Stuart, always hoists the Jolly Roger when I am in town – a warning signal to the neighborhood that the Cap'n is in town. He is the perfect host, after years of training from this pirate, and he made the visit with Dash even more fun. Dash and I rocked and sipped and continued the conversation he and El Capitan had about someone hosting a blogfest somewhere this summer, and it became a cocklebur that attached itself to my brain. Like a tick on a dog, it wouldn't let go. And so, it has blossomed into an idea that will take some real work to pull off. The Texas Blogfest will be a hard act to follow. And that reminded me of LC Beth, Lord Spatula and, of course, Emperor Misha, Denita Two Dragons and Mamamontezz. A flood of wonderful memories and an opportunity to further the ever expanding universe of the blogosphere.

I visited with LC Beth yesterday and asked her for help with a creative name for the event, and for the life of me, I cannot remember what she suggested. Seems I forgot to write it down on a yellow-sticky and have slept since then. I didn't really like the idea of naming it after myself, although the original thought was to call it ZiPpo's Inaugural Hill Country Beer-bongs and Thongs Blogfest it became clear to me (after discussing it with Mrs. Stomps With Foot - who stomped with foot) that a moniker of that ilk would make me the host for all time. Woot! Well, I didn't see anything wrong with that … although she must have … my response to her stomping was that male-to-female query – "What?"

Inaugural Texas Hill Country Tunes, Toobs and Targets Blogfest! Name subject to change, as will the artwork I am creating. Now if Miss LC Beth wasn't out getting "pampered," I could get on with it. UPDATE: LC Beth is a blessing!

If you are interested in attending, please leave a comment, and I will tally the score after a week or so and post some plans or just send the entire idea to Davy Jones' Locker. Oh, it is tentatively scheduled for the last weekend in June … but that is, of course, subject to change.

Happy birthday Dunky!

Granddaughter, codename: Dunky, celebrated her second birthday party on Sunday. Shrek and Donkey (pronounced by the little miss as, "dunky," hence her codename) were the guests of honor. Double-decked vanilla cake with strawberry filling, replete with Shrek and Donkey on top, a giant "2" candle and Shrek-ear headbands were the order of the day.

If you care to see the photos, click on this picture for more.

If I didn't host them elsewhere, this page would never load.

Happy birthday Miss "Dunky!"

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Taking Texas back - fiction versus reality

This is straight from the horse's mouth. I tell ya, he has a strong message: "…it's time to let common Texans have a hand in making Texas great again!" I read his final commentary in Texas Monthly Magazine last month, where he apologizes for killing off the hero of his novels, and offers an explanation by way of paralleling Sherlock Holme's author, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's decision to do the same. If you haven't actually read Doyle, you need to; as well as Edgar Rice Burrough's Tarzan series of books. I re-read the Tarzan series a couple of years ago and couldn't put them down. But that is fiction, and this, dear reader, is reality.

Hi Folks,
As a campaign, we ask a lot of our fellow Texans. We ask that you register to vote. We ask that you not vote in the primaries. We ask you to hold your vote for Kinky. And, of course, we always ask the god of your choice to bless you.

Today we have a very important request of all you Kinky supporters: we need you to show your support for HB 1721, a bill now in committee that could seriously improve Kinky's chances of getting on the ballot in 2006. If this bill were to pass, not only could we start collecting ballot signatures for Kinky in January, instead of March, but anyone could sign the petition, whether they vote in the primaries, or not.

HB 1721 is currently being held up in committee, by Madame Chair, Mary Denny - likely with help from fellow committee members. We need y'all to write or call either Madame Chair or any of the committee members to let them know how important it is to you that they pass this bill into law.

Show this committee how it works. Call these folks now. Tell them you want them to pass this bill. Show them who runs this state: the people of Texas.

Committee Member

Rep. Mary Denny, Committee Chair
(512) 463-0688
(972) 724-8477
Rep. Dwayne Bohac, Vice-Chair
(512) 463-0727
(713) 460-2800
Rep. Todd Smith
(512) 463-0522
(817) 283-3131
Rep. Rafael Anchía
(512) 463-0746
(214) 943-6081
Rep. Charles "Doc" Anderson
(512) 463-0135
(254) 754-3892
Rep. Bryan Hughes
(512) 463-0271
(903) 935-1141
Rep. Jesse Jones
(512) 463-0664
(214) 375-3773

I will be spending some time "smiling and dialing," this week and next week, letting them know that HB 1721 should be passed, forthwith! You fellow Texans take heed. Kinky is serious and so is Texas politics. Even more so than Odessa Permian High School football on a Friday night.

I am headed for New Braunfels Thursday through Monday, so blogging will be sparse at best; after all, my granddaughter's (codename: Dunky) 2nd birthday deserves some attention as does Stomps With Foot. I promise pictures!