Monday, March 14, 2005

Important questions from the dog


SWF's cousin, Codename: Ell Dee sent this to me this morning. It raises some very important questions, especially the last one.

To: GOD
From: The Dog

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around?  We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the "Chrysler Beagle?"

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal  instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please. 

Dear God: Are there mailmen in heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of  the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cat's food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just  because I like the way they smell.

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 

5. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage man is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an  unacceptable way of saying  "hello."

11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

13. I will not throw up in the car. 

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.

16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play  with  him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, my last question …

Dear God: When I get to heaven may I have my  testicles back?


Thanks, Ell Dee!