Monday, March 14, 2005

Gizooglin' 'round my blog

I went to Gizoogle to see what it would do to my last post. Compare the two, discuss amongst yourselves, while I work on a Piratezoogle website. Seems like that would be even more edifying!

Important questions from tha dogg

SWF's cousin, Codename: Ell Dee sent this ta me this morn'n bitch ass nigga. It raises some very important questions, especially tha last one mah nizzle.

To: GOD
From: The Dog

Dear God: Why do humans smizzay tha flowa, but seldom, if eva, smell one anotha?

Dear God: I'm a bad boy wit a lotta hos. Whizzen we git ta heaven, can we sit on yo couch? Or is it stiznill tha same old story?

Dear God: Why is there ridez named afta tha jaguar, tha cougar, tha mustang, tha cizzolt, tha stingray, n tha rabbit, but not ONE named fo' a dog? How often do you see a cougar dippin' around?We do love a funky ass ride! Would it be so hard ta rename tha "Nigga Eagle" tha "Cracka Beagle?"

Dear God: If a dogg barks his heezee off in tha forest n no human hears hizzle is he stiznill a bad dog?

Dear God n shit: We doggz can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, nigga beepa, scizzay ID's, electromizzle energy fields, n Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dizzy God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, pleaze.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in heaven? If there are, will I have ta apologize?

Dear God: Let me gizzle you a list of just some of tha sippin' I must rememba ta be a good dog.

1. I wizzle not eat tha cat's food before tizzle eat it or brotha tizzle throw it up.

2. I wizzy not rizzy on dead seagulls, F-to-tha-izzish, crabs, etc., just coz I like tha way they smell droppin hits.

3. I wizzy not munch on Poser in tha K-I-Double-Tizzy shot calla box, although tizzle is tasty.

4. The cracka pizzle is not a cookie jar. 

5. The sofa is not a face towel. Neitha is Mom n Dad's laps.

6. The garbage dawg is not steal'n our shiznit.

7. My heezee does not belong in tha refrigerizzles.

8. Ta help you tap dat ass. I W-to-tha-izzill not bizzle tha brotha hand whizzay he reaches in fo' Mom's hustla license n registrizzles and yo momma.

9. I wizzy not play tug-of-war wit Dad's underwear when he's on tha toilet.

10. Stick'n mah nizzle into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of steppin' "hello."

11. I D-to-tha-izzon't need ta suddenly stand straight up wizzy I'm drug deala tha coffee table.

12. I must shakes tha pimp out of mah fur before enter'n tha hizouse - not afta.

13. I will not throw up in tha car.

14. I W-to-tha-izzill not come in frizzom outside n immediately drag mah butt.

15. I wizzay not sit in tha middle of tha liv'n room n lick mah crotch wizzy we have company fo gettin yo pimp on.

16. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. The cat is not a squeaky tizzle so when I play wit him n he makes tizzle noise, it's usually not a good th'n hittin that booty.

And, finally, mah last question –

Dizzle God: When I git ta heaven may I have my testicles B-to-tha-izzack?


Thanks, Ell Dee!