Wednesday, March 09, 2005

All it takes is money!

El Capitan has a wonderful post today. Here is a synopsis about this particular Blog-meme that asks you to list five items that you might purchase for yourself, if price was no object.

Blend that in with a few rules, "You must actually be able to take possession of the items you select without running afoul of local laws. No buying the moon or celestial bodies. And, oh yeah, nothing on the government-restricted armaments list.

Well, El Capitan wants a sword, and that is about as far as I got before starting to trip. The first thing that came to mind when reading his If Cost Was No Object … entry and seeing he wanted a sword was Kill Bill and my very own Hattori Hanzo Sword.

OMG, I found this!

My List

1. Bill's Demon Hattori Hanzo Kill Bill Movie Sword. This sword was seen in the scene where Bill shoots Beatrix with a tranquilizer gun! I have got to get one of these – all I have to do is convince Mrs. SWF that we can "baby-proof" it when the grandchildren come to visit. David Carradine has always been a hero to me, since the days of his Kung Fu television series. Can you imagine! Wow, I am still stunned that this item is available. Only two left, buy yours today

You have got to see this! Click the image.

2. Then there is my dream mode of transportation, the flying car! I would commission Burt Rutan and Scaled Composites to do that for me. After all, If George Jetson had one, it can't be that difficult to create. All it takes is money.

3. The late Gene Roddenberry came up with the transporter for Star Trek. I would need one of those as well, so I could beam myself from here to there - and carry my lighter with me when my destination was beyond the range of my flying car! I would have Stephen Hawking figure out the physics involved.

4. Land. I find that the older I get, the more land I desire. Land is the source of all wealth. So I would have to have land rich in oil and minerals. I would buy, outright, the title to all the land in The Great Republic of Texas and secede. Talk about a constant stream of income!

5. Finally, being the magnanimously-beneficient man that I am, I would give teachers a pay increase of $1,000,000 per year. Yes, teachers. God bless them all, for they are truly special people who deserve more than what they receive. Pay them what they are worth, for God's sake!

So, Cap, send me the monthly rent for the Astrodome - along with the pet deposit!